Harry Potter and The Big Scary Metal Things
by Spawn Guy
Summary: A crossover fic that is more than meets the eye. Absolutely no apologies for character death.


Not as much of a Potter fan as I was (read: not one at all) and after half a minute in the Potter section of this site I refuse to go anywhere near the idea of having a Potter fic register on my story list. As a result, this is not as much of a surprise as it probably could be, but I was bored one rainy Sunday (The day and half hour or so it took to write this as a matter of fact) and the two collided after several Transformer's movie trailers and a family member buying the PS3 Order of the Phoenix game. But more importantly, The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime and the Potter Puppet Pals. 

Instead of getting angry at the following, I suggest you see it as the ribbing it is meant to be and yet another well known pop culture phenomenon team up to scratch of the Potter fandom's ever growing list. For the enlightened I suggest seeing this as the ultimate truth about which franchise owns the hell out of the other.

Harry Potter belongs to Warner Brothers disguised as JK Rowling. If you don't know who the chief Autobot himself belongs to, what the hell are you doing here? Takes place during G1, after the Bay movie, take your pick. If written by a seven year old in a thirteen year old's body, doubtless the movie is all that hormonal attention span could be bothered to register.

---

Albus Dumbledore adjusted his half moon spectacles, glowing with wisdom and moonlight in the shadows of this American back alley. Well, that was mostly where they came from.

"I would like to thank you for coming. While warfare is an unpleasant business, I understand you have your share of experience."

"Yes." The towering figure agreed.

"I am sorry to hear that."

A soft metallic noise as the alien head craned this way and that, analysing the wizard with more than simple eyes.

"Your nervious system and heart rate register as normal for a human of you're age and physical condition, yet your brain waves are, foreign to my sensors."

A tired yet kindly smile.

"I imagine they would be."

"This is probably the first time a wizard has sought help from beyond the stars in...oh, I should imagine a good one million years. Perhaps centuries, I never really kept count and history is understandably vague on the matter when there are other and far more dangerous secrets to be kept."

"We know about secrets." The stranger form the stars gazed into the night distance, thinking what ever silent and thoughts whirred and clicked inside that extraordinary metal mind of his, then turned back to the wizard.

"I believe that freedom is the right of all sentient beings."

"A wise philosophy."

"You have the freedom to tell me why you contacted me to become involved in your own war."

Dumbledore sighed.

"I suppose it is best to begin at the beginning."

He told the stranger everything. Everything.

"He...sounds like an extraordinary individual."

"He is." Dumbledore said quietly.

"And yet so young..."

The stranger looked at the ground for a while.

"He needs protection." The old man's eyes were suddenly very hard. Yet also very weary. "Protection that can think, disguise and move with haste. Protection that is more than meets the eye...for a young man who is far more than meets his own."

---

The last of the Dementors withered and vanished in the light┘but not light form a wand. Wand energy did not crackle and burn with that strange and sterile a scent. Harry Potter, cheeks smeared with grime and untidy hair smelling slightly of burning, stared up at the looming metal giants behind him, a large truck rumbling out of the shadows surrounding them, almost blinding him with it's headlights. Life had seemed so simple under the stairs in that cupboard.

"Um...hello?"

The truck...unfolded.

"Wha...?" Harry began, then his vocal cords gave up. Not like this was the first time something was beyond a half blood wizard's comprehension. The largest of the metallic creatures stepped forward. Unfortunately.

"We are the Autobots...and I am Optimus Prime."

The Autobot leader paused at the silence. He had expected this, yet his scanners detected no sign of their objective. The older human had mentioned invisibility capabilities┘

"Uh, Prime?" Jazz raised a nervious hand.

"Yes Jazz?"

The most down to earth Transformer was quite for a few seconds, then mumbled something that made Bumble Bee's gears grind in shock yet missed Optimus' audio sensors entirely.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You...stepped on him."

Optimus raised a foot. A pair of duck taped glasses broke free of the red squishy meat mess under his foot and bounced off the tarmac. There was stupefied silence for a while, save only for the occasional creak of an uncomfortable gear.

"Oh Primus save us..."

Optimus ran a hand over his massive brow, then cocked his energon rifle.

"All right, we're just going to find this Vauldermore person, shoot him and get on with saving this mad monkey house."

This plan was met with agreement from every Autobot present. War strategies like that was why he was in charge.

"Autobots,Transform and roll out!"

He drove over Number Four, Privet Drive's lawn on the way over. Just to be spiteful.

---

_Not_ to be continued.


End file.
